Tag Archives: books

20 Jun

Book Review: The Hormone of Closeness, by Kerstin Uvnas Moberg

The Hormone of Closeness: The role of oxytocin in relationships, is the second book I’ve read by Kerstin Uvnas Moberg on the subject of oxytocin, the hormone involved in childbirth, bonding and so much more.

Moberg posits an explanation of attachment theory wherein oxytocin underpins the child’s sense of security through enhanced wellbeing, increased calm, and a sense of satisfaction. She terms the innate and evolutionarily necessary need for closeness and contact with others as “skin hunger,” to equate it with hunger for food. This casts touch and its effects in a useful new light, showing how breastfeeding is about so much more than the transfer of milk, for the mother and the baby.

While much of the evidence in the book is drawn from lab studies on rats, her arguments are logical and compelling. Lay readers might skip the scientific stuff about what goes on in the brain, and read instead the fascinating description of the mother-baby relationship in the first place, which is then drawn into the wider context of our social interactions, stress levels, and the way we live.

Looking forward to the implications of the development of synthetic oxytocin, Moberg acknowledges that artificially increasing oxytocin levels, thereby increasing the tendency to trust, might not always be a good thing, particularly in a setting where we would not naturally be trusting. Evidently it would be better for the individual, and for society as a whole, to find natural ways to increase the world’s oxytocin levels. To illustrate this, she looks at the doula phenomenon, where a trusted woman present at birth can have a positive outcome, by allowing the birthing mother to tune into her body and allow levels of oxytocin to rise, facilitating labour and bonding with the new baby.

She finishes by looking at the possible consequences of our increasingly separate lives, and with a call on behalf of future generations to consider how to bring back social closeness, that “all of us on earth could live in peace and harmony with one another.” [p157]. This is an enlightening and affirming read.

***

To order The Hormone of Closeness with a 25% discount, just follow the link and use the discount code KH25 at the checkout.

[Disclosure: review copy provided by publisher]

30 May

Book Review: Baby Management for Men, by Henk Hanssen

Author Henk Hanssen claims that fatherhood is his favourite subject, and a real sense of fun comes across in this warm and accessible little baby manual.

In this book, the father is the consummate manager. The family is your enterprise, the mother your producer, the baby your product. [p10]

Heavy on the business-speak and technical jargon, it might not appeal across the board, but beneath the veneer of gentle silliness, the book is packed with practical information. It addresses how the new father’s life will change, how to approach his employer with requests for paternity leave and flexible working hours, and directs the him to think about the kind of father he wants to be. It then goes on to describe in detail the baby’s appearance, likely behaviour, and maintenance required in the first year or so.

You might pick up a book with the title “Baby Management” expecting a rigid, parents-in-charge approach; in fact I would place this well towards the attachment parenting end of the spectrum. Hanssen encourages dads to be hands-on, and quotes evidence to show the benefits of an involved, engaged father, for the whole family.

My few criticisms of the book would include a raised eyebrow that the feeding section starts with expressing before actually addressing the subject of breastfeeding. Granted that’s because the focus is on how a dad can be involved with this, but I would rather see the emphasis on supporting the mother to establish breastfeeding first; there are lots of ways dads can help with this. Hanssen erroneously states that breastmilk can be kept in the fridge for up to 72 hours; most reliable sources state 5-7 days. Other than that, the section dealing with feeding is almost entirely accurate. Sadly when it comes to introducing solids, the advice given is rather old-fashioned purees-only approach.

The section on growth and development is particularly fascinating, and the book is well-referenced. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it to fathers-to-be.

*****
To order Baby Management for Men with a 25% discount, just follow the link and use the discount code KH25 at the checkout.

29 Apr

Book Review: Talking with children about things that matter, by Sheila and Celia Kitzinger

Talking with children about things that matter by Sheila and Celia Kitzinger, is a wide-ranging discussion about the big issues that bother contemporary parents. Although it was written in 2000, and therefore lacks that important chapter on social media and the internet, the contents of this book are highly applicable to the modern family.

The Kitzingers have surveyed parents and reviewed the literature to look into some really big topics, examining the way parents attempt to instil their own values in their children. The book therefore caused this reader to reflect on her own values and upbringing, and feel both optimistic and pessimistic about my son’s childhood.

Pessimistic because this world seems so much bigger and scarier than the one I grew up in, and the task of fitting my boy with tools and strategies seems insurmountable. In a week when teenagers have bombed marathon runners and a world famous children’s entertainer has been arrested for sexually abusing a child, how do I protect him, and how do I send him out there fit to do good, not harm?

Optimistic because many of the issues I find sticky, such as prejudice, sexuality and the environment, seem more openly and easily tackled by his generation. He takes for granted that men can love other men, that skin colour is no more important than hair colour, and that everyone recycles. That doesn’t mean my work here is done, but we’re off to a good start.

This is not a how-to book, but it opens up new perspectives as well as reviewing some traditional points of view such as the value put on an “obedient” child. It’s sometimes helpful to remember that a child who questions authority as a matter of course is perhaps in a safer place than one who always does as he is told. Especially when you want him to put the lego away and put his shoes on for school.

I would have liked the book to go further on the topic of sexuality, and to have explored the implications of an atheist upbringing in more detail. I closed the book with some deep thoughts and intentions about how I can include my son in discussion, not shelter him from the news, and somehow help him to understand how privileged he is. I don’t have the answers to any of this, but I have a few more clues.

15 Jan

Book Review: Bumpology, by Linda Geddes

Bumpology is an attractive and accessible book with a very clear and logical layout, which compensates for the lack of an index. It is as easy to dip into as it is to read from cover to cover; I know because I did both.

This is a marvellously comprehensive collection of research evidence and occasional comment upon the lack of research evidence, for all the advice and received wisdom relating to pregnancy, birth and early parenthood. As Geddes says, the science is out there, but it often takes some digging to find it.

Geddes looks at the big issues such as place of birth, breastfeeding, and all those things you’re told you can’t eat during pregnancy; as well as bringing in some colourful sections on how the growing baby develops in the womb, what senses function from birth, and the role of newborn reflexes. This in itself is a useful part of learning to empathise with the baby, and might influence parenting choices.

I am used to reading far more dogmatic books (from all over the birth and parenting spectrum), so this measured tone is very refreshing. Research in this area on the whole appears to be very thin, often studies are very small or based on the behaviour of lab animals. The book does not offer many definitive answers, but its general message is not to take advice for granted, since much of what we are told from the moment we even start to think about having a baby has no basis in fact. This very important point was made by Octavia Wiseman in a recent Midirs article (July/August 2012:p22), pointing out that much health advice is risk-averse, undermining parental choice, and that “explaining to women the limitation of our evidence base is the first step to take when asking them to make ‘informed’ choices.”

It is lovely that the text is scattered with anecdotes about the author’s personal experience, but for the most part this book is about facts not feelings. It largely ignores ‘soft’ aspects such as how parents feel about risk, and how mothers experience birth and early motherhood. Statistical comparisons of different aspects of birth look at outcomes and define those in terms of health of the baby and mother, taking little account of how women feel during and after the experience. For example lying down or being mobile during labour may make no difference to the outcome in statistical terms, but different women may experience these scenarios as more or less positive. Lying down in a room full of medical staff may feel disempowering; a woman being made to walk around may feel bullied. Working with parents both antenatally and postnatally, I know that scientific evidence may not always be the most important factor when making decisions. A good example of this would be the decision to share a bed with your baby: whether, according to various studies, this increases the risk of cot death; or whether it increases your child’s self-esteem, are less likely to influence the decision to bedshare than the fact that it might just be easier not to have to get up in the night. This does not, of course, detract from the fact that parents can and should be made aware of the evidence in order to make an informed decision; and to be fair, Geddes does not set out to explore the qualitative aspects of parenthood, but to present the facts and figures, and bust the myths: a very worthwhile mission.

I would recommend Bumpology to anyone expecting a baby, but I think it is also essential reading for anyone working with parents, antenatally or postnatally. It is so important for us to get our facts right, to counter the myths and enable parents to be confident in their decision making. Very few of the books I’ve seen are so robustly evidence-based, and an awful lot of people working with parents will repeat advice without giving any critical thought either to the evidence behind it, or the effect it might have in an individual situation.

Bumpology Blog
Sense About Science
Linda Geddes on Radio 4’s Today Programme with Belinda Phipps, CEO of NCT

14 Dec

Book Review: Feed Yourself, Feed Your Family

Feed Yourself Feed Your Family is an attractive La Leche League book packed with information and useful tips. The chapters are ordered chronologically, covering pregnancy, new parenthood/breastfeeding, starting solids, and feeding a family. Each chapter includes a selection of recipes considered appropriate for that particular chapter of your life.

I was concerned that a chapter on eating for breastfeeding would fall into the trap of implying that breastfeeding is demanding if you don’t eat special food, but in fact the book explicitly states that this is not the case (however it does mention the need for 350 extra calories, which is not supported by evidence). This section is brimming with suggestions for food you can eat with one hand, and food you can get other people to cook for you. I especially liked the comment that “you are passing on your culture through your milk,” (p68) and have quoted that in antenatal classes and see the parents nodding.

The book has a slightly american tone, although it’s clear that much of it has been ‘translated’ into British English. Some of the food standards given are american, though this doesn’t detract from the clear, factual approach. My biggest concern with the book was the amount of salt added to almost every recipe, some of which included salt in the cooking, again before tasting, and then a garnish of bacon. The Starting Solids section could have had more emphasis on baby-led weaning, good finger foods, and how to work family meals that baby can eat too.

I didn’t think I could review a recipe book without trying out some of the recipes, so we tried five of them last week. Here’s how it went:

Monday
The Slow Cooker Split Pea Soup (p182) was very convenient for such a busy day; all the ingredients went into the slow cooker at lunchtime, and it just smelled more and more delicious over the course of the afternoon. Recipe books for me are inspiration rather than instruction, so most things get altered in some way. I added pancetta to this vegetarian recipe, to make it more acceptable to my partner and son, both of whom like veggie food but are sometimes a bit tentative when it comes to pulses. The soup went down an absolute treat, and there was enough left for lunch next day. Both of them said they would like me to make it again.

Tuesday
Tortilla Pie with Black Beans (p48) was another hit. This was tasty and cheesy, though it was a mistake for me to plan it for swimming night when I had one hour to cook and eat before rushing out to teach. This vegetarian dish slipped through the net no problem, though it was suggested that we could try it with chicken as well.

Wednesday
We were less enthusiastic about the Chicken & Sugar Snap Pea Saute, which seemed like an odd combination of nice things that didn’t really go together. It was also quite tricky to figure out what would go with this, as it didn’t lend itself well to pasta or rice, so ended up being served with chips.

Thursday
The plan was to make Froelich Family Rice (p137), however on reviewing the recipe at 5pm on Thursday I realised that it involved over an hour of cooking just to produce minced beef with rice. So I’m afraid I cheated completely, got out a packet of rice with vegetables, and cooked up the beef with some herbs, mushrooms and tomatoes, and mixed it all together. The end result was much the same, and they just stopped short of licking the bowl clean.

Friday
I try to include fish in our diet every week, despite not really liking it much myself, so on Friday I made the Fish Chowder (p229), using white fish instead of salmon which I cannot stand. This was the added-saltiest of all the recipes I tried, with salt added twice in the cooking as well as a stock cube and a bacon garnish. This seriously undermined the promise that the book is giving the reader “a blueprint for a lifetime of healthy meals” (p8). As I had forgotten to get the bacon out of the freezer, this was a moot point. My partner and son enjoyed the chowder, though my son as usual when bread is available did mostly eat the bread. I tolerated it and felt virtuous.

I would recommend this book because every chapter there has sensible information and guidance, including practical ideas for cooking while your baby or toddler is around. I would not go out and buy it just for the recipes.

*****
To order Feed Yourself Feed Your Family with a 25% discount, just follow the link and use the discount code KH25 at the checkout.

05 Dec

Book Review: Vaginal Birth After Caesarean

Vaginal Birth After Caesarean: The VBAC Handbook, by Helen Churchill and Wendy Savage, is a neat little book absolutely packed with useful information for mothers considering a VBAC, and those supporting them.

It is worth reading just for its forthright introduction explaining exactly why the authors choose not to adopt the tentative and controlling jargon often used by health professionals. The careful use of language in the book is in itself empowering.

Reading this book, I learned that 70-80% of VBACs are successful; that the risk of VBAC is lower than the risk of a planned Caesarean; and that the reasons commonly given not to “try” to have a VBAC do not appear to be evidenced across the board. Even the section dealing with higher risk groups shows that in most cases a VBAC can be possible.

The second part of the book includes several VBAC stories, not all of which were successful; however the stories demonstrate and affirm the wide range of experience even within this segment of birth and labour.

This is a useful and succinct guide, and I highly recommend it.

*****
To order aginal Birth After Caesarean with a 25% discount, just follow the link and use the discount code KH25 at the checkout.

02 Nov

I’ll have what she’s having: A review of Birth & Sex by Sheila Kitzinger

I bought Birth & Sex after hearing Sheila Kitzinger speak with an energetic passion that belies her frailty, a few weeks ago; the talk was part revision of the history of obstetrics, and many parts eye-opener.

A few days later I read on a skeptical website a description of orgasmic birth as “the ultimate first world problem.” [Deliberately unattributed]: making women feel guilty for not having an orgasm during labour. It’s that familiar argument that informing people about how things could be is mistaken for setting impossible aspirational targets for all women. Throughout the book, Kitzinger dips into history, revealing how birth has become depersonalised, the mother and her needs sidelined, and the only goal a healthy baby.

After a fascinating chapter on genital anatomy and an exploration of sex in pregnancy, she goes on to explain the processes that impact on a woman’s experience of labour. She is not telling women that they should have an orgasm during birth, any more than that they should have an orgasm every time they have sex; but describing conditions which it is often in the woman’s power to create, that allow her to behave spontaneously. In fact the comparison with having sex is instructive, since goal-oriented sex is likely to be less satisfying than loving, fun, comfortable, spontaneous and uninhibited sex, all of which are applicable to birth.

Kitzinger shows how other cultures celebrate birth movements, for example in north african bellydancing; but how the gradual introduction of a bed into the birth environment forces women to accept a more passive role, and has gradually led to a production line approach, “without wasting doctors’ time, and free of any female emotions that might complicate the process.” [p.69]

She goes on to explore the use of language around birth, rooting this right back in the usurpation of female mother goddesses by a male creator, taking the power of fertility away from women. In modern terms, the medical language used to describe birth using the terminology of risk and words like “delivery” put the power in the hands of the doctors. The language used by women following a traumatic birth is significantly similar to that used by rape victims; I have heard examples of this myself and have to ask if empowering and informing women can really be a bad thing.

With a slightly disappointingly small section on breastfeeding, the book ends with a discussion of sex after childbirth and how this might be impacted by a traumatic, violating experience or a positive birth that can enhance the way a woman feels about her own body. Kitzinger also considers the impact of the birth on a woman’s partner and his or her feelings about sex; along with the impact of the transition to parenthood. I love her description of the first year after birth as “chaos and glory” for the couple [p.148].

Birth & Sex does not seek to demonise intervention, but asks for perspective in its use, and reminds us that birth is a complex psychosexual experience with the potential to be life-enhancing. In the prevailing culture, how much choice do women really have? This book takes on one small segment of a society in which women’s bodies are still objectified and their minds still belittled, to an astonishing extent. To deny women this information is to deny them choice and consent in the way they live and labour.

*****

To order Birth & Sex with a 25% discount, just follow the link and use the discount code KH25 at the checkout.

10 Sep

Book Review: Toxic Childhood, by Sue Palmer

I picked this book up for £1 at Wokingham NCT’s Nearly New Sale, purely out of curiosity. I would say that I have entirely grown out of my organic/green parenting frenzy, partly through poverty and partly from being exposed to science debunking quite a lot of it.

Palmer does state in her preface that the book is largely her own opinion based on largely qualitative research and extensive interviews. This comes across very clearly throughout the text, and may alienate a lot of parents who choose not to follow her highly directive recommendations.

The main message of the book is that childhood ain’t what it used to be, and everyone would be much happier if our kids roamed free in the fields until teatime, then feasted on vegetables from the allotment and played wholesome games until they went to bed. Palmer develops her arguments well, supports them with a wealth of anecdote, and offers suggestions for detoxing childhood both at a family level and at a policy level. This is all very well-meant, but the parents who read this book are quite probably those who already give some thought to things like the effects of TV and junk food on their children. However I feel that the Brave Old World solution is not the right one for my family, and I worry when books dictate parenting styles without leaving room for individual circumstances and inclination. The TV, the internet, junk food and the dangerous streets are realities that our children have to learn to cope with, and it is hard to find a balance between protecting them, and preparing them. I did not feel that Toxic Childhood made many positive suggestions about embracing change.

05 Sep

Book Review: My Child Won’t Eat, by Carlos Gonzalez

After enjoying Gonzalez’ Kiss Me! so much, and with a long standing interest in the subject of solid food, I looked forward to reading My Child Won’t Eat, and hoped it would have some useful information that I could pass on in my Introducing Solids Workshops.

The book is sensibly divided into Causes, Solutions, and Prevention, and uses a rich selection of anecdotes to illustrate the points made in each section.

Gonzalez’ basic premise is that babies and children can be allowed and trusted to regulate their own appetites; and that it is the parents’ expectations that are wrong. If parents stop worrying about it or trying to force their children to eat, they will still eat the same amount, but it will all be much less stressful. They won’t eat any more than they did before, but they won’t waste away either.

This premise is entirely sensible and based in the science relating to appetite control, and Gonzalez uses the perspective of the child to argue that mealtime battles are confusing and unhelpful when it comes to creating a positive attitude to food.

The book includes a large section on breastfeeding, which, as the author acknowledges, is likely to come too late for the parents of babies or toddlers eating (or not eating) solid food, at whom the book is targeted. Perhaps this would be more useful for health professionals and other people supporting those parents.

I found some of Gonzalez’ recommendations to be highly directive and some of his language is really quite judgemental. On the subject of introducing potential allergens, he writes:

Before one year, introducing many different foods only means buying more tickets for the allergy lottery.
p.118

which is sweepingly dismissive, and not in line with current recommendations from the Scientific Advisory Committee on Nutrition, whose review of the evidence concludes that there is currently no clear indication that early (or late) introduction of certain foods either prevents or triggers allergies.

I am not sure I learned anything new from My Child Won’t Eat, but the book gave me plenty to reflect on, and has helped to develop new perspectives and different ways of explaining things to parents.

*****

To order My Child Won’t Eat! with a 25% discount, just follow the link and use the discount code KH25 at the checkout.

12 Jul

Book Review AND GIVEAWAY: Kiss Me! by Carlos Gonzalez

Subtitle: How to raise your children with love

Dr Carlos González sets out his stall very clearly in the first pages of his book:

This book assumes all children are essentially good, that their emotional needs are important, and that we as parents owe them love, respect and attention [p13]

He demonstrates this last point over and over again, by taking the statements of various childcare experts and graphically substituting the word ‘child’ with ‘wife’ or ‘colleague’ or ‘prisoner,’ revealing shocking double standards in our expectations and our treatment of children.

The book is roughly divided into two main chapters, the first of which presents children’s behaviour in terms of survival, adaptation, and genetic predisposition. González reframes disobedience as instinct, explaining for example a toddler’s preference to be carried rather than walk as a deep instinctive drive for safety and security.

The other half of the book is given over to demolishing various parenting theories including sleep training, therapeutic crying, and smacking. It is particularly gratifying to read his meticulous critique of Dr Christopher Green, that unpleasant advocate of smacking, whose basic assumption is that children are all ungrateful tyrants in need of taming.

González’ style is ranty in the extreme, and occasionally it is hard to tell if he is being sarcastic. This book gave me a lot to reflect on with regard to the way I talk to new parents and try to help them understand their babies’ behaviour. But however much I enjoyed this most arid humour, and however valid his premise and instructive his examples, I am wondering whether I would recommend Kiss Me! to new or expectant parents.

González writes with great empathy for children, but much less for parents; who, he explains, are inevitably confused by woolly and non-evidence based ‘advice’ from authoritative experts. His suggestion to combat this is that all parenting books should state on the cover what the author’s basic philosophy of human nature is.

Kiss Me! is an interesting book, and its most useful chapter focuses the mind on understanding, respecting, and empathising with children. Despite his strident tones, this is a very healthy approach to parenting.

***
I’ve got a copy of the book to give away to a commenter. I’ll draw names out of a hat on Thursday 19th July, and the book will be sent to you.

To order Kiss Me! with a 25% discount, just follow the link and use the discount code KH25 at the checkout.