29 May

Emma’s birth stories

Emma is a mum of two girls and juggles motherhood with running two small businesses with her husband.

The way you give birth to your baby has a profound influence on your experience of being a Mum. It shapes your relationship with your baby, your feelings towards him or her and your ability to physically do the things required to meet the baby’s needs. The events surrounding labour and delivery stay with you. In time the memories fade and are replaced by newer worries and experiences but they are always there in the distant recesses.

I have two beautiful daughters. My eldest, Alys is 4 and my youngest, Nansi is 10 months. I had two very different experiences during their deliveries. My feelings about Alys’s delivery were mainly negative and painful to recall for a long time afterwards. The negativity faded but I didn’t really put it behind me until the birth of Nansi. Nansi’s delivery was entirely positive and a very empowering experience. The only negative aspect was my sadness that this hadn’t been the case first time around. I felt that Alys had been cheated from a calm, positive start to life and that I’d let her down. I wondered if her clingyness and temperament as a baby was in part down to her first experience of the world and I felt angry that she had to endure this.

So, what went ‘wrong’ first time around? My first pregnancy at age 31, was normal. I enjoyed being pregnant and for the most part wasn’t in too much discomfort or pain apart from the usual kinds of moans and groans most pregnant women experience. We’d opted to have the baby in the Royal Glamorgan Hospital in Llantrisant an ‘out of area’ hospital slightly nearer our house as opposed to the Midwifery led unit the other side of the county. The nearerst hospital or birthing centre was at least a 25 minute drive away, if not more at rush hour. We had heard a couple of horror stories about women in labour being moved by ambulance from the MLU across Cardiff to the consultant unit in the University of Wales Hospital. Having no access to a consultant was a concern for my husband. We thought we’d be able to get the kind of delivery we wanted at the Royal Glamorgan in any case. As we were ‘out of area’, the hospital midwives were a different team to the community midwives. I saw my named community midwife once and seemed to see a different midwife every time I had an appointment. There was no continuity and no-one spoke to me about a birth plan or what I wanted the birth to be like. It was a good job we had signed up for private antenatal classes! After attending NCT classes, I diligently wrote a birth plan.

I had a stretch and sweep 7 days after my due date and the midwife had said I’d already started effacing so I was expecting things to move along fairly speedily afterwards. The following day I started feeling contractions in the middle of the night and the first stage started. I got up about 6.30am so I could move around and by about 8am I put my TENS machine on. I kept mobile, used the birthing ball and had a hot shower. By about 9.30am the contractions were 5 minutes apart, I’d had a ‘show’ and quite painful, so we phoned the hospital. They told me to take paracetemol and phone again when they were 2-3minutes apart. I packed my bag and walked around a lot and about 40mins to an hour later they were 2-3 minutes apart, so Mark phoned again. As we lived a good 35 min drive away they told us to come in. By the time we got to hospital, things had slowed down a bit but on examination I was 4cm dilated (not classed as established labour). Rather than send us home, we were sent for a walk and to find some lunch.

Needless to say, this brought on contractions again and we went back to the delivery room we’d been assigned. I was 6-7cm by this point so I asked to go in the birthing pool. I was convinced it would help with the pain I was getting in my back. I’m not really sure what happened after I got in the pool but I started feeling horrible. Perhaps the heat did something to my blood pressure but rather than relaxed and soothed as I’d hoped, I suddenly felt out of control and in a lot of pain. I’d been doing so well beforehand with the TENs and using positions and movement. We only had a student midwife in the room with us and I couldn’t seem to get the hang of the gas and air. I said I wanted to go home, retreated into my head and asked for something for the pain. Beforehand I had said (and in my birth plan) that I didn’t want pethidine or an epidural, so looking back, I would have expected the midwife to get in my head at this point and reason with me. Instead, she took me back to the delivery room (there was only one pool in the delivery unit) and spoke to the senior midwife.

Things are really hazy from here. I had pethidine although I think I was quite far along and as it kept being pointed out ‘I wasn’t following the normal pathway’ (I was quicker), goodness knows why I wasn’t discouraged more. Everything slowed down so I was given syntocinon in a drip to speed things back up again. I had to be monitored and somehow ended up lying on a bed on my back despite protestations. I then pushed for 2 hours but just couldn’t get the baby out. The baby’s heart rate dropped and the room seemed to get fuller. Eventually the senior midwife let me kneel on all fours on the bed and give it one last go. Nothing. It was decided that I needed an assisted delivery. The consultant favoured a Ventouse. He gave me a large episiotomy (a third degree cut right through my perenium) and the first attempt failed. On the second attempt, thankfully, Alys Rose was born, weighing a perfect 7lb 8oz. I was exhausted but we had a beautiful little girl. Alys came straight to my chest for cuddles but then spent a long time with a bare chested Mark as they sorted out the mess that was my bottom end. He describes it as harrowing as witnessing a car crash. He was holding his new baby daughter in his arms whilst his wife was bleeding profusely and being stitched, legs in stirrups before his eyes.

Finally I got to breastfeed Alys and after a bit of difficulty, we just about managed it. After not much time to be together and recover, I was moved to a ward. Mark was told to go home and I was along with our baby. I hadn’t even had a shower. I felt pretty lonely. Alys was quite sleepy thanks to the pethidine so feeding was a little tricky. I was really sore and woozy but was basically on my own. There was no-one to watch the baby when I had to go to toilet (at the end of the ward) and I had to wait until Mark came in for visiting the following day before I could clean myself up.

We were discharged after 2 days in hospital and we came home. I couldn’t walk properly for 2 weeks and my stitches didn’t heal properly – I had a little hole that took a while to heal and I got an infection. I found breastfeeding difficult. Alys had a very sore head and would only sleep on Mark or me. We were both traumatised and very, very tired. I blamed myself for losing mental control in the pool and cried a lot. Midwives visited and one in particular was lovely to me. She talked about how different it would have been in the MLU and how they would have let me labour differently.

28 days after Alys’s birth I was discharged by my ‘named’ midwife (only the second time I’d met her). I was deemed physically well enough it seems but at the point she actually walked out of my house to let herself out, I was breastfeeding Alys and was in tears, having just broken down about my experience of her delivery. Unbelievable. I didn’t have diagnosed PND but I really could have done with someone sitting down and talking through things – preferably one of the midwives who attended the birth. Instead, I was left to deal with my ‘grief’ and didn’t properly get over it until just before our second baby was born.

Fast forward three years. Strangely, pregnancy second time around was much more stressful than the first time. I had experienced an early miscarriage the previous year and the experience of giving birth the first time was imprinted on my memory. I also now work for myself, running two businesses with Mark. We can’t just leave work at the door and come home. I also had a very active toddler to care for. Around 20 weeks, I started getting SPD quite badly. Luckily it eased slightly as the baby grew inside me. I still kept active and did antenatal yoga classes and attending a yoga birthing workshop with Mark – highly recommended!

This time around we decided to deliver in the MLU at the University Hospital. Despite it being a 40 minute drive, it seemed to be the best place for us to have the kind of delivery we wanted, with little or no intervention (all being well this time). I saw the same two community midwives at every appointment and talked a lot with them about my experience with Alys and what I wanted this time.

The due date came and went again. I did lots of walking and yoga but still no movement. A stretch and sweep after 7 days wasn’t really possible as my cervix was so high. The midwife also had concerns that the baby seemed small as I’d started measuring small for dates. I got stressed. I didn’t want a consultant led birth and was determined to deliver in the MLU.

The following day, like her sister, the baby decided to come. I started getting pains in the early hours and got up to move around and try and bring things on a bit more. I laboured all day. I went for a walk to the shops with Alys and my Mum who’d come to help out. I did three loads of washing. I tidied up. I even did some work correspondence. All the while, I was standing up, being active. I put the TENS machine on after I’d put Alys to bed at 7pm and starting using the ball again.Things started to speed up and get quite painful so we phoned ahead to the hospital and they told us to come in.

Once again, things slowed down again on the journey and on examination in the hospital at about 9pm, I was gutted to find out I was only 2cm dilated! The midwife had a feeling things might move quickly though and didn’t want to send us home so sent us off round the hospital for a walk. It was dusk and we went outside for fresh air. Within half an hour I couldn’t walk with the pain and we were back again. Mark made a brew and I was kneeling on the floor using the ball as he just popped to the car to get our bag. The room was dark with just a lamp on and all was quiet and calm. My waters went. I called out to Mark as I heard him come back.

‘You need to come, my waters have gone. Get the midwife.’ He ran in.
‘I need the toilet!’ I said. He started to help me off the floor as he midwives came in.
‘No I need to push!’ I changed my mind.
‘OK’ said the senior midwife.
‘What?!’ said Mark.

They got me on the bed and lay me on my side. I started to push and Mark asked if they could fill the birth pool so I could deliver in water.

‘Hmmmn, we’ll try but I don’t think we’ll have time as it takes 20 mins’ they said.
‘What?!’ said Mark.

A few big pushes and about 10-15 minutes later at 10.50pm, along came Nansi May, weighing a teeny 6lb 2oz. She came to me for a little feed, then as I was sewn up (I’d tore along my old scar), Mark cuddled her on his bare chest. Then she came back for a lovely feed.

Shell shocked a the speed of things, we stayed in the delivery suite for a couple of hours talking and cuddling Nansi. The two lovely midwives made us tea and toast (we didn’t have time to drink the first brew Mark had made!) and popped in to check on us. After a while, I had a shower in the ensuite bathroom and we moved to another room. It had a double bed so Mark could stay, a cot for Nansi and an ensuite bathroom. We were too stoked to sleep much but we all had a nice rest together. After more tea and toast that Mark was able to make in the little kitchen and the necessary checks were performed on Nansi, we were discharged just after 9am.

It wasn’t quite the home birth I had thought about but it was a wonderful second experience. The midwives were amazing and despite the worry that Nansi was looking on the small side, they did everything they could to support us in our decision to delivery in the MLU. In the days following we had lots of support from my named midwife and the breastfeeding support counsellor. I couldn’t speak more highly about the post natal care I received. I was up and about and even managed the Mums race at Alys’s sports day 6 days after (I walked it!). Nansi and I have had a few difficulties breastfeeding mostly due to oversupply but she’s doing brilliantly.

Two very different experiences but the same outcome of a beautiful girl each time. I’ve been able to put behind me what happened with Alys and accept that was just what happened. What I did both times was no better or worse than the other. Just different. The important thing was that my children were born safely, and are happy and healthy. I now have two special little girls and what I do everyday as a Mother to them, really makes the most impact.

27 May

Helen’s (Second) Birth Story

Helen’s first labour was long and drawn out with some complications and she felt this was her opportunity to ‘do it right’.

Tue 21st Feb
Ten days overdue, fed up and bored. As my first baby had been
eleven days late I was expecting to go overdue with this one too,
but had hoped she would have arrived by now. My lovely Doula
came over to give me reflexology in the afternoon, which
was really relaxing, and must have had some effect because my
contractions started around 7pm. I sent my husband Simon to bed
at 11pm but knew I wouldn’t sleep. Contractions continued all
night – between 5 and 8 minutes apart.

Wed 22nd Feb
By 5am I was tired and fed up so called Linda and asked her
to come and keep me company (I wanted Simon to get a good
night’s sleep as it might be his last one for a while!). She came
over and kept me going with tea and calming chat, Woke Simon
up about 7.30 so he could get up and take our 3 year old to
nursery. When he came back at 8.30 the contractions had slowed
about 10 minutes apart, so frustrating! Linda went off to do some
shopping and Simon and I went for a walk (we kept bumping into
friends and trying to pretend nothing was happening…) When
we got home I had more reflexology and acupressure from Linda,
which really helped and the contractions started ramping up.
By 3pm I’d been having 3 contractions in 10 minutes (of about
1.5 minutes each) for over an hour so we decided to go to the
hospital – only to be sent home as I was only 2cm. Gah.

So, back home and more acupressure and walking. A friend
picked Holly up from nursery and I hid in another room as I didn’t
really want her to see me in labour. Said goodnight to her though
and as she went to bed we decided to go to hospital again (at
about 7pm).

This time they declared me 4cm dilated, hurrah. And the birth
pool was free, double hurrah! We were put in a delivery room
while the pool was cleaned, and I spent an hour or so bouncing
on a ball and waiting to be called to the pool room.

Finally got in the pool about 8.30pm. Bliss! Contractions were
strong and about every 2 mins but the water really helped, as did
my hypnobirthing breathing, and I felt really calm and in control.
Felt like I needed to push pretty soon but just went with it, even
though it felt way too quick. Decided I could do with some gas

& air about 9pm as I was getting tired and wasn’t sure how much
longer it would take. About 9.15pm there was a midwife shift
change, and the new midwife insisted I get out of the pool for a
wee. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea but did as I was told. Sat
on the loo and felt the baby moving down very fast. The midwife
yelled ‘get the gloves’ and the baby shot out in one push. The
midwife just managed to catch her! Rosa was born with LOTS of
hair and weighed in at 7lb 7oz. We stayed in hospital overnight
but were discharged the next morning.

She’s now almost three months old, and a very chilled out baby.
Her older sister dotes on her and life as a family of four is going
really well.

25 May

Emma’s (Second) Birth Story

Emma is Mum to Lara and Holly. By day she writes software, by night she blogs at Mellow Mummy.

My contractions started at 5pm approximately 5 minutes apart but very erratic and mild. By 7pm they began to get stronger – I consider this to be when labour was established.

At this point I was still pootling around the house. Mr. B fitted the TENS machine (which definitely helped) and tried to insist that I went to bed but I kinda knew that things were starting to move more quickly and sleep wasn’t on the cards. I asked him to ring his parents who came around to look after Lara. By the time they arrived, the contractions were strong enough to stop me in my tracks and I rang the hospital. I’m sure they deliberately put the most miserable member of staff on the phone at the labour ward to try and put you off going in – she nearly managed to persuade me not to go. During the half-hour drive to Frimley Park Hospital I only experienced 2 contractions (they had previously been coming as frequently as every 2 minutes) and I really began to panic that I’d made the same mistake as last time by coming to hospital too early and letting everything slow down.

We arrived in the delivery ward just after 9pm at the point when the midwife shift was about to change. A stern-looking midwife asked me a load of questions and obviously thought I was fussing about nothing. She didn’t believe me when I said I’d had a urine infection earlier in the week, and she didn’t believe my waters had broken. I think she thought that when the next midwife examined me, I would be going straight home. My contractions were gaining frequency again but still mild enough for me to almost continue my conversation.

The new midwife was a lot friendlier and by the time she examined me at about 10.15pm, the contractions had come back much more frequently and continually growing in strength. I was VERY relieved to find that I had made it to 6/7cm dilated with just the TENS machine to get me through. We asked her to fill the birthing pool with water (which takes about 20 minutes) but both myself and Mr. B were wary of getting into the pool too soon because we didn’t want it to slow down labour too much. As we waited, I was in a lot of pain and the TENS machine was no longer helping me get through the contractions – a lot of concentration was needed to breathe through each of them.

I got into the pool just before 11pm and the relief was instant. As suspected, things did slow down a little but it felt good to be in the warm water. The midwife left us alone for a little bit and told us to ring if I felt the urge to push – we both thought she was joking. At about 11.30 there was a lull in contractions and we stopped to joke with one another about whether we would have a May 1st or May 2nd baby and both of us felt pretty sure it would be the next day before we saw our baby. I realise now that this lull was probably the point of transition into the second stage of labour. From the very next contraction I felt the urge to push and tried to ignore it.

Thankfully the midwife arrived again before we needed to pull the emergency cord. She told me to ignore the urge as long as possible. I ignored it for one more contraction and then my own body took over. It only took 3 contractions and 6 minutes for the second stage of labour. Holly was born in one push and took both midwives by surprise because there was no pause between head and body. She literally plopped into the water and they had to drop their tools to grab her.

Holly and I chilled out in the water together for about 10 minutes before getting out to lie down for the third stage – delivery of the placenta. In that time, she naturally rooted for my breast by snuggling up my chest towards me. I felt so relaxed it was unreal.

We had to wait for me to dry out before I could have my stitches (by far the most painful experience of the night and the only point at which I tried the Entonox gas). We had a cuppa, some toast and a bit of a chill out while the painkillers for the stitches kicked in. I grabbed a quick bath, got dressed and then we were discharged. We arrived home with baby Holly at 5am and when Lara woke at 7 we had a lovely family reunion.

I am so happy that my second birth went entirely to plan. It certainly has helped me get through the last couple of days with more energy and less pain. The stitches are healing and we are both generally well.